AWOL

an update is coming. Its groundbreaking stuff. Nah, not really, just more of my shit ramblings but I assure you there will be colourful language, a few tears and hopefully an epiphany. Stay tuned believers!

week 4 vlog

Oh my god. How horrible does the video look below? Yuk lol! Hurry up and press play to get rid of that nasty look on my face!

Measurements this week!

Chest: 108cm : down 2cms

Waist: 110cm : down 4cms

Widest: 129cm : down 2cms

Both Thighs: 80cms : no change

Total of 8cms gone yay!

this is bullshit!!

Grr im so over it right now!!!! This is a total uni/study vent so feel free to ignore as it doesnt really relate to 12wbt but I need to vent!!!

I have my exam next Wednesday and things are looking horrible!!!

Ive hardly studied, and yes I know thats my own fault but god this semester has been a bitch!! The first 3 lectures wont be in the exam but that doesnt really make a difference as I learnt nothing new in those lectures. I have spent the majority of the semester working on my major assignment which was worth 50% and I got 37.5/50 which I was stoked with, and I got 8.5/10 for my mini-exam at start of semester so I only need 4 out of 40 for my exam to pass the whole subject but im sitting on a distinction right now and id hate to lose that distinction. The annoying thing is, the majority of this semester has been on neurological, spinal & burns which the hospital I work at doesnt do so half the info just isnt sticking because I strongly relate facts to my experience and day-to-day work so if I havent done it then I dont get it!!! The exam will be 2 case studies, each worth 20%. Im fairly certain one of the cases will be ARDS (acute respiratory distress syndrome) as the whole 'theme' of this semester is advanced mechanical ventilation & respiratory and they kind of hinted on the ARDS lecture to know it back to front which is fine because im awesome with ARDS and am fairly comfortable with the knowledge. However, I just know the second case will be either spinal or neurological trauma as heaps of the students in my class are from the royal hospital which does neuro & spinal & burns traumas so they will want to quiz them I reckon. It sucks!!! I hate it!! I just hate everything to do with the brain/spine, and burns for that matter. Thats why I dont work in an area like that!!! Ah well. Im just being silly. At least next semester is cardiac & renal & advanced haemodynamics which my hospital is the best at so that will be awesome! Im just really bummed this semester has been a total drag as I so badly want to do really well and I know I will pass but I dont want to just pass- I want that distinction dammit!!!

Anyway. Enough of my ranting. This is what sleep-deprivation plus being sick plus being frustrated I cant go to the gym plus stupid fricken boring lectures does to a girl. Hopping off my soapbox now!

weigh-in week 3

Lost 700 grams this week. Im pretty stoked with that actually. Been so sick with this horrible cold the last few days & havent been able to go to the gym so I thought this week would be terrible but im happy to see a loss instead of a gain! So this brings my total to 2.7kg in 3 weeks. No where near what I initially set out to achieve by this stage but thats ok. Im abit worried about next week being mini milestone. I was hoping to be able to run 1km but now with my chest full of crap & hardly being able to breathe I know this wont happen. It always takes me awhile to recover my breathing after being sick (and no, im not a smoker- never have been!) and I know it will take awhile to get my fitness back again but thats ok. Im very proud of how far ive come in 2 weeks so it wont take long to get back there again.

So im down to 103.1kg now which is good. So close to being under 100kg which is exciting! Ive noticed my jeans are abit looser and my work uniform feels abit more comfy, especially around the hips/tummy. I cant wait to order new uniforms for work in smaller sizes!

Ive been abit down lately, as I vaguely mentioned a few posts back. This journey is certaintly unlocking alot of hidden emotions. For so long I have been so unhappy with myself its just my normal way of thinking & feeling now and when I receive a compliment or feel happy about something its such a foreign concept that I so quickly dismiss the feeling as its 'not right' to feel that way. Im finding it very hard to grasp any sort of certainty on who I am as a person now and what I want in my life. And of course, what I deserve in life. Do I really deserve to be happy? Or am I just here to try make others happy? Does anybody even care? My head is full of such conflicting opinions on myself & my life and im beginning to feel very self-absorbed and narcissistic and again dismiss these thoughts as soon as possible because I dont have time to be thinking about this about myself. Over-analysing much???

this sux

Been awhile since I posted, been super busy working some shit shifts this week. And to top it all off im sick! So not happy right now. Ive been working nights this week and it was about midnight the other night I started to get a runny-nose and by 7am I was wrecked. It has now blown into a massive crazy cold with my nose constantly dripping, I cant stop coughing and every time I cough I dry-retch! Add into that total lethargy and a slight case of the runs! Its awesome. So no gym for me. And weigh-in is tomorrow! I have no idea how it will go. I havent really been eating either, feel way to sick to even think about it. I just want to be over this so I can get on with it!!!

feeling abit down.

that is all.

week 2 weigh-in vlog